Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
