i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
