I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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