So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
