Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
