im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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