she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
