Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
