I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
