I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
