i barfeds in our rink
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need a beard to bite.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
