saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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