peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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