I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
