I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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