I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
