he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
