where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
