Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
