so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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