Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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