Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
