He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
