Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
