alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
