You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
