My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
