i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i think i have two assholes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
