i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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