May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
