so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
