yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
