At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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