someone owes me an orgasm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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