I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
