It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
