So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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