Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
