Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
