dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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