btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
