I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
