Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
