His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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