The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
