he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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