i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
