shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
