Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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