the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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