she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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