i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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