You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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